Full House: Familiar Friends Returning

Growing up, there was predictability–the milkman, the paperman, the evening TV. Sometimes I miss my old familiar friends, waiting just around the bend.

But I now know, everywhere I look, there’s always a heart, a hand to hold onto and the face of somebody who needs me. I’m never really lost out there or all alone, because a light is always waiting to carry me home.

What is this light, you may ask, that has carried me through trying times? The light of a promise. A promise that no matter where I am or how old I get, Full House will never die.

My old familiar friends are Danny, Uncle Jesse, and Joey. Aunt Becky is a cool lady who gives me make-up advice, and DJ helps me pick between hot guys. Steph teaches me awesome dance moves, while Michelle shares with me her snappy one-liners.

                        The hair! The smiles! Who wouldn’t want to be a member of this crew?

We’ve been friends for some time. Since, oh, maybe 1993? As soon as I was old enough to realize Uncle Jesse was God’s gift to women (and men) everywhere, and side ponytails were a sign of the hip elite.

I look back warmly on my Full House-obsessed years. I spent many a day belting out the theme song and searching CD stores for copies of “Forever,” thinking Jesse’s big hit may have actually been released in the real world. (As it should have been.)

I’ve even got gleefully excited about the Full House re-emergence that has happened in recent years. In the early 00s, I often thought to myself, “Where is Aunt Becky now? John Stamos? Kimmy Gibbler?” It seemed as though my familiar friends had floated into the mist of yesteryear, like the Brady Bunch or the Wonder Years clan. But in this age of social media and viral videos, my friends have returned to me in a most fabulous fashion. John Stamos is a celebrity phenomenon. Even though he virtually disappeared for a while there (but for a brief marriage to Rebecca Romijn-Stamos of the X-Men film series, who quickly dropped the Stamos moniker upon their divorce and is now living the blissful family life with Jerry O’Connell), Stamos bounded back suddenly when more and more people noticed he simply.does.not.age. Dropped into episodes of ER and Glee, it was as if people were gasping the world over at his transformation total lackthereof. Then the Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt commercials established him as one of the world’s most appealing men, popping up when women ate the yogurt as the most perfect figment of their imaginations.

Even Aunt Becky has managed to pop up in unexpected places. (She does have a name–Lori Loughlin–but let’s be real, the woman will always be Aunt Becky.) The Hallmark Channel seems to be her calling card, as she never fails to be in at least one Hallmark Channel movie every two months, and she’s even on a Hallmark Channel show, When Calls the Heart. I haven’t seen it, but I’m sure Aunt Becky is wonderful in it. And have you seen her Instagram? From time to time, she posts photos with John Stamos, feeding all of our hearts and imaginations that the love between Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky is REAL and is POSSIBLE and EXISTS IN THE PERSONS OF JOHN STAMOS AND LORI LOUGHLIN (I’m sorry, I just had a Miracle on 34th Street moment, completely unrelated).

Also rocking her Instagram and Hallmark Channel gigs is Cameron Candace-Bure, or DJ. Let’s call her DJ because her real name is an unnecessary mouthful. DJ is possibly the most surprising hottie to come out of the Full House crew. No offense, but when DJ was a twelve-year-old, she did not show this hotness promise. Unruly hair, oversized t-shirts, and floral leggings were just not. flattering. But flash forward 20 years later, and DJ is a hot fit mom of THREE, second runner-up on Dancing With the Stars (celeb status), and proof that magic is possible.

What’s even more impressive about these social media goings-on is that this group is still hanging out. They post photos together at events, in their backyards, at parties–it’s like they’re taunting us as they continue to live this perfect Full House world in which we can never partake. It makes us yearn for the good old days even more. We want to know, what happened to DJ after she went to prom with Steve? Did Michelle ever get back to horseback riding? Did Steph ever get good at the guitar? Did Joey ever grow up? Did Danny ever get married again (oh, Vicky, how perfect you were. Why did you have to go to New York? Why?!)? What about Steve? Is he in the Full House world? WE HAVE QUESTIONS.

Which brings me, finally, to the actual point of this post.

Upon waking this morning, I scrolled through my twitter feed, as I always do. (No, I do not get out of bed first.) Suddenly, I glimpsed my Full House kin, smiling at me in a group photo. An article was linked as well. Dare I click? What could this be? I wasted no time, and opened the piece. What I found…what I found was life-changing. What I found is that, after 20 years, Full House, my beloved show of shows, is, oh my goodness, returning.

*Some sort of loud operatic music should be booming in your head at this time.*

HAVE MERCY.

Now, many of you may say, “Is this really a good thing?” And I say to you, “No, it may very well be a terrible thing, but we do not dwell on the negative. We dwell on what could be. And what could be…is magical.” (The whole Disney-owned ABC magic message really creeped into my subconscious after watching so many episodes.)

From what I’ve read, this won’t just be about 3 men and a baby (also a wonderful film I highly recommend). This version of the show will be about DJ. A WIDOWED DJ (because no spouse can live in a Disney-affiliated storyline). With two kids and one on the way, DJ needs friends. Familiar friends, who happen to be waiting just around the bend. And so enters the guiding lights of sister Steph and best gal pal forever Kimmy Gibbler.

                                      Gibbler vs. Tanner. We commence.

I can see this premise somewhat working, but I must ask, where will the men be? There is something just plain humorous about men trying to raise girls. Dresses? Hair? Makeup? Women are far too adaptable to be intimidated by raising boys. Men are goofy. Women lay down the rules. (I’m sorry if I’m stereotyping here, but I have my theories and I’m sticking with ’em.) Kimmy will certainly be the “good cop.” DJ the eyebrow raising, “Seriously?” (She always did do an excellent eyebrow raise.) What will Steph be? The semi-troubled aunt who needs the family as much as they need her? (Actually, I may have just tapped into something.) I sort of hope a little of the Jodie Sweeten drug addict storyline makes it into the show…it would make for an excellent drugs are bad segway, you see.

While I have my doubts, I’m still too excited to fully let them fly just yet. The show is going to be on Netflix, so this promises a bit more artistic freedom (I’m guessing) and hopefully better direction. It’s not like these Netflix people don’t know what they’re doing. It also means that all the episodes will be released at once and I will get to bingewatch like no other.

I do feel as though this is some magical, serendipitous happening though. Who would have ever predicted that Full House would come back to us? And in such a re-invented way? It’s following the same trend as Boy Meets Girl, Twin Peaks, and even The X-Files, all shows with passionate fan bases long gone from our television screens. Yet despite its end in 1995, Full House has managed to make itself relevant again. It never truly went away–reruns on TBS and ABC Family have luckily made sure of that. But its stars and its cast have kept the magic going. Full House didn’t really produce movie box office stars like George Clooney of ER or Jennifer Aniston of Friends (95% of Mary Kate and Ashley films were straight to video), but it did produce a cast of very likable, very relatable people that you just never grew tired of seeing. And I think it is this strange alchemy of chemistry and friendship that has kept the show so strong in people’s consciousness, and what has spurred its return. I’m excited to see where this goes, even if it just means the show gets released on DVD (because, hello, someday I will have children and they will need to watch allllll of these episodes. Yes, I’m just thinking of the children). So return, Full House, and I will welcome you with open arms, and maybe even a hand to hold onto.

But please, just make sure Uncle Jesse’s a guest star.

Advertisements

The Royals: Regally Awesome

TheRoyals

It’s been too long since America has had gems like Dallas and Dynasty grace its television screens. These TV empires were fueled by lust and greed with betrayal and devious relatives lurking behind every corner and we LOVED it. What we have today, instead, is an endless rotation of Real Housewives episodes and the ever-growing Kardashian brood. Sure, they’re entertaining enough, but they can never fully go into the deep dark side of themselves because things like jail time (hi, Teresa G.) and lawsuits are tangible threats waiting for them should they go too far.

The beauty of fictional TV is such real life punishments do not exist. A TV character can go full crazy and only suffer the consequence of a few disapproving glares. It is high time this type of n’er do well attitude is returned to us viewers. And it is none other than E! who has delivered, by going across the pond and harnessing in on one of America’s favorite obsessions, the royal family.

And so enters The Royals.

The Royals follows the exploits of England’s very modern royal family. There’s mum the Queen, dad the King, and twins Liam and Eleanor as the royal heirs. But this isn’t your typical royal family. Unlike the real-life Windsors, this family is, for lack of a much better word, very juicy.

Elizabeth Hurley plays Queen Helena, a woman who resembles England’s real-life queen in title alone. With an honesty level on par with Simon Cowell, and a fierceness matched only by Posh Spice, Helena seems more like the female version of Henry the VIII, willing to cut down anyone who stands in her royal way. She wears dresses that might as well have been painted on and wears stilettos that could make Beyonce stumble. Fiercely protective of her title and her royal reputation, the Queen is coldly vicious in her tenacity to keep her children and husband in line.

Then there is King Simon, who, unlike his wife, doubts the monarchy’s necessity in the modern world. After the untimely death of their eldest son Robert, Simon wonders if the monarchy should continue at all, an announcement that dumbfounds his wife and brother, the monarchy’s most tenacious defenders. The King’s brother, Cyrus, is desperate to become king himself. Ending the monarchy would certainly kill that dream. The opposite of his brother in all things, Cyrus loves the monarchy and the power it gives him, whether it’s forcing royal servants to do his, um, sexual bidding, or enabling him to keep Parliament in his pocket (by throwing secret parties with a multitude of “private dancers” as the guests of honor). He and the queen are unlikely allies, united by their goal of keeping Simon’s doubts silent and proving to him the need for the monarchy.  There’s no limit to what these two could achieve together.

The royal couple’s twin children, Prince Liam and Princess Eleanor, take after their father, at least in their lack of obsession with “being royal.” Liam (William Moseley, who has come a very handsome way since The Chronicles of Narnia), though, does believe the monarchy could be a force for good, and asks his father for the opportunity to prove himself. What stands in his way, however, is his reputation for being a playboy and his love for a few too many pints at the pub. Priorities suddenly shift when he meets Ophelia, the daughter of his family’s head of security. Born in England but raised in America, Ophelia understands how things are done in the royal world but doesn’t quite fit in amongst all the fascinators and upperclass snobbery. Yet this is what makes Liam like her so much. Unlike his ex-girlfriend Gemma, a favorite of his mother’s and a girl groomed to be queen, Ophelia sees Liam for who he really is and not just someone with the words “heir to the throne” on his Wikipedia page. When Ophelia tells Liam she believes he could be a great king, it is the push he needs to try to be something bigger than just a tabloid headline.

Liam’s twin sister Eleanor (Alexandra Park) is the real star of the show. Perhaps the royal with the biggest heart but the least idea of how to live with it, Eleanor is an abuser of all things rock and roll—booze, drugs, and sex are all her means of coping with a viperous mom and the open wound of her brother’s death. When her new security guard secretly films one of Eleanor’s drunken escapades as blackmail, Eleanor sleeps with him rather than report him. But seeing as how he looks like a Burberry model, I suppose I could understand her decision here. Eleanor is trapped in a cycle of self-abuse, spurred on by her toxic relationship with her mother. More concerned with her daughter’s image than her mental state, Helena shows no signs of concern over her daughter’s many addictions, unless the press should put them on the front page. Eleanor is obsessed with the opposite, trying to make her mother look as bad as possible at every turn, even planting a story in the news of her mother spending royals funds on an inordinate amount of lingerie. These aren’t the Gilmore Girls. This is the Battle of the Roses.

Though The Royals is only five episodes in, it has hit the ground running. Surprisingly racy, the show makes you wonder if E! is trying to get away with whatever it can before the FCC steps in and says something. Despite a few easy-to-spot homages to the real-world royal family (the twins happen to have two red-headed cousins who are clearly meant to be Harry and Will’s cousins Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice of York), the show has departed so monumentally from the present-day Windsors as to banish any thought that E! is trying to create a semi-accurate portrayal of life at Buckingham Palace. Instead, The Royals is Gossip Girl meets Winning London meets America’s Next Top Model. Everyone is glamorous, out to ruin each other, and getting chased by very handsome British men. In a time of year when epic shows take the lead (Outlander/Game of Thrones), it’s fun to have a show filled with #firstworldproblems kicked up a notch to the royal level and with British accents, no less. So pour yourself some tea, sit on your plushest cushions, and watch this bloody show already. But make sure your tea is actually whiskey. You want to make sure Eleanor would approve.

Rambo Day: A Bachelor Party 20 Years in the Making

Did you ever have those friends when you were little who could send you into a fit of belly-aching laughs? Who made you want to break the rules and do whatever you dared? I had a few friends like that, and they made me feel invincible. I’m convinced my childhood wouldn’t have been nearly as good as it was had they not been around to help me explore the truly goofy and ridiculous sides of myself.

A friend of mine recently posted this video to Facebook, and it’s clear this vid’s star grew up with the same type of loveable idiots I did. But I’m jealous, because it looks like he had even more fun than I did, and that’s an impressive feat. Like my friends and I, these guys grew up making their own home movies, but while our videos were more a phase of middle school, these men have parlayed that passion into present day, and thank God they did.

For their best friend’s bachelor party, they decided to recreate his favorite film, Rambo, and make him the star. Now considering Rambo is a film filled with guns and explosives, you’d think this would be difficult to pull off, but by using paintball guns and slingshotting tomatoes, these friends created the most epic bachelor party in the history of bachelor parties. And they managed to figure in some heartwarming sap along the way (I love some good sap). This video’s not just a tribute to their friend, but a tribute to friendships in general. So while the video may make you laugh hysterically (it should, and if it doesn’t, please go seek some sunshine), it’s also a reminder that no matter where you go in life, friends are what keep you going. So set aside 20 minutes sometime today and watch this fitting tribute to both movies and friendships, two of life’s best gifts

Batman vs. Superman Trailer: Let the Hotness Commence

HENRY CAVILL IS BACK, MY LOVES.

2013 brought us Man of Steel, and all of America soon knew what I had already learned from repeated Netflix marathons of The Tudors: Henry Cavill is f*cking hot.

Okay, okay, hot AND talented I suppose. (But let’s not deny his eyes, hair, jawline, and abs.)

The film itself was slightly slow at times, but I was having trouble breathing every time Henry was on screen, so the slow pace was probably for the best or I may have hyperventilated.

And now, for the sequel, we have been blessed with not one, but TWO hot men. Ben Affleck has joined as a rather beat up and worn out Batman. And what’s even juicier is the two aren’t joining forces. Nay! Quite the opposite! They are VERSING each other. No, not Shakesperian iambic pentameter style. I mean it’s legit called Batman vs. Superman. So you know. Versing.

Interesting that the two have been set against each other! I guess if I read the comics I may have known about this, but I haven’t read them, and I just don’t care to. Unless Henry’s face is on every page, I’m not reading them.

Gone is the mom and pop origin story of the first film, and there’s no sign of Amy Adams as Lois Lane. Instead, this film seems to have taken on a markedly darker tone. The trailer’s opening suggests a sea of doubt has begun to surround Superman. The city wonders if his strength is a source for saving, or just a pretense to bend them to his will. And it is Batman who has taken on the task of confronting Superman and challenging his all-encompassing power. In my favorite moment of the trailer, Batman asks Superman, “Tell me, do you bleed? You will.” OOOOOOOOO.

But guys, I didn’t come here to blabber. I just came here to make sure you see this f*cking trailer. Cause it’s f*cking awesome.

Excuse all the cursing but it’s Friday and I’m f*cking excited. So without further idea, watch the magic and grab a brown paper bag. You’re gonna need it.

Waking Ned Divine: Your St. Patrick’s Day Entertainment

Think the only thing worth watching on St. Patrick’s Day is multiple episodes of Cheers (bars, Boston, you get my drift, right?)? Think again. Waking Ned Divine is an Irish classic and the only thing you should be pressing play on this St. Patrick’s Day.

It’s the story of a small Irish town where a miracle happens: one of its residents, a man by the name of Ned Divine, wins the lottery. The catch? Ned, er, kicks the bucket two seconds after his win. So what’s the town to do? Why pretend Ned is still alive in the form of Michael O’Sullivan, a man similar in age to Ned but unfortunately a terrible liar. What follows is the tale of two old friends who do everything they can to convince the “lotto people” Ned Divine is very much alive and ready to accept his winnings.

It’s a film that captures all the whimsy of Ireland, from lush green countryside and a surplus of pints, to old men riding naked on a motorcycle (oh, you didn’t know that was a past time in Ireland?). So while Cheers marathons are great fun, don’t miss this excuse to check out a beloved Irish classic. Make sure you have plenty of pints at the ready.

Hermione and the Beast

“Little toooooowwwwwn, it’s a quuuiiiiiiet villaaaaaage/Every daaaaaaaaay like the oooooone befooooore.”

Except today. Today is definitely not the like the one before. Because yesterday Beauty and the Beast was an animated 1991 movie and today it’s an in-production, live-action musical film starring….EMMA WATSON.

My immediate thoughts:

1. Pretty sure this was supposed to be my starring role, seeing as how Belle and I are essentially the same person. Singing-wise, I mean. I would never actually date a guy that hairy.
2. Do I want to see Emma Watson dating a hairy guy on-screen?
3. This was supposed to be my role.

Hermionejealous

Yes, very jealous.

But enough about lost dreams, let’s get back to the news at hand about this movie I won’t be starring in. Turns out the film won’t just be a live-action re-creation of the basic story line essentials. Oh, no, this film is supposedly going to have my favorite thing ever: the actual music from the Broadway version of the play. (Do you hear me, Terrence Mann? “If I Can’t Love Her” is totally about to come back into style.)

This is really quite exciting because it’s going to give me an excuse to break out my Beauty and the Beast broadway soundtrack cd that I’ve had stashed in my room since 2005. Oh wait, it might actually be in my car. Because I might actually still listen to it in present day.

beauty and the beast

Yes.

If this film is made to look anything like the upcoming Cinderella (pssst, I dare ya to watch the trailer and not get chills), it will surely be beautiful. And we all know Emma Watson has a natural grace about her, but she’s also not afraid to be daring and outspoken either, whether through fashion or politics. It’s this unique mix of traits that makes her a rather natural choice for Belle. By playing Belle, she’d basically just be playing a singing version of Hermione Granger but with better hair.

And it looks like Emma herself has always been a Beauty and the Beast fan, and this tidbit of knowledge gives me hope. Here’s how she announced the news on her facebook page:

emmawatsonfacebook

Sorry for the sub-par quality, but I wanted you to get the full effect of Emma’s imposing black and white prof pic along with the close-to-1,000,000-likes-and-31,000-comments visual.

You hear that, guys? Her heart is “bursting” and she is totes stoked to get to sing “Be Our Guest” and “Something There.” MY heart is bursting reading these words! I think we actually have a full-fledged Belle loyalist on our hands, and I am very relieved someone so worthy seems to have been chosen for this big role. She already ruined my elementary-school hopes of getting to play Hermione in Harry Potter (I can admit to having read all the books aloud in British accents when no one was around), so I guess it’s okay for her to steal this role from me as well. I mean, she’s sort of proven she’s got acting chops. I guess. And even her post mentions singing lessons, so she’s definitely already in study mode (would we expect any less from the Brown graduate?). So having read Emma Watson’s post, I can breath a palpable sigh of relief knowing that our Belle (I’m assuming you’re a diehard Belle fan as well or else you still wouldn’t be reading this) will be in good hands.


hermioneball

And on a side note, the film’s director Bill Condon also directed The Twilight Sage: Breaking Dawn Parts I and II. Meaning this meme suddenly has new meaning:

hipsterbelle