Reality Junkie

The Case of Snooki and Her Hacked Instagram

I never thought following a former member of The Jersey Shore on social media would ever give me an edge in the news world, but I think my moment has finally arrived.

Today around 4:00 p.m. EST, Nicole ‘Snooki’ LaValle nee Polizzi’s instagram was hacked by “Arabic hackers,” or so they call themselves. Since that time, the hackers have posted increasingly odd photographs, including one of a V for Vendetta mask-wearing, money-burning man. (The man is wearing a suit and looks more like an extra from a JT “Suit and Tie”-inspired music video than a terrorist.) Of Snooki’s 4.8 million followers, thousands have commented below the pics tagging @Instagram and demanding that they figure out who is behind the hack immediately. Who knew we Jersey Shore fans were so loyal? *Fist pump*

The hackers have written that if Snooki wants her instagram returned, she must direct message them. Do you think they’re trying to send a message to the world or maybe these guys just wanna smush?

My bet’s on the latter.

.snooki

The hackers have posted the same location for each of the photos and labeled it “The Downtown.” Either they really want authorities (who handles this sort of thing, by the way?) to find them at King Faisal St, Saudi Arabia, or some dude in Wyoming has taken his job impersonating Arabic hackers really seriously. When a twitter follower pointed out the hacker may have mistakenly left his location information public, the hacker himself tweeted back “you are welcome to come if you would like to.” Uh, say what now?

The hackers have posted 7 twitter accounts and an email where we can contact them, so I think all they really want is for MTV to reach out to them for their next reality show. My guess is it’ll be titled “Saudi Party: Arabian Nights.”

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I Wanna Marry Harry: Finale Recap

Well, mates, I promised you I’d watch the finale of I Wanna Marry Harry and report back to you with the winner.

It only took me seven days, but I did it.

But before we get to the final results, let’s have a brief recap of the show’s last episode.

Matt narrowed the ladies down to three: Katrina, Kelley, and Kimberly. (The KKK, I’m just now noticing. Oh dear.) In a move that suggests Fox knew this show wasn’t going to last long, the girls each get a very brief last date with Matt. No, seriously–Matt went out with all three of the girls in one day, just long enough for one glass of champagne and one quick peck on the cheek. Maybe they thought it would be easier for Matt to make his decision if he didn’t have time to think on it?

First up, Kelley and Matt go for a romantic meal at the top of the Gherkin in London. Kelley compliments Matt on how perfectly royal he is (ha, oh girl, if only you knew/were smart), and also takes the opportunity to tell Matt the other girls aren’t here for the right reasons. Anyone who’s ever watched The Bachelor knows that talking smack about other contestants is the first way to get your ass sent home! Reality Dating TV 101! Naturally, Matt is immediately turned off by Kelley’s catty antics.

Next, Matt and Katrina enjoy a spin on the London Eye. Despite looking like a royal herself (her last name is Kennedy), Katrina seems genuinely into the pale, ginger-haired Matt. Matt is definitely into Katrina, but it seems more of a physical attraction than anything else, which leads us to…

Kimberly. Ah, Kimberly, the only girl on the show who seems like a truly sweet person who is completely unaware of just how much of a catch she is. Who would have thought the nicest girl on the show would be from Long Island? The two meet atop the Tower Bridge (ulgh, jealousy) and are endearingly cute together. (Yes, I just used the phrase “endearingly cute” in reference to this show.)

When it comes time to send one of the girls home, Matt sends Kelley packing. Good job, Matt! I approve!

The following evening, the two finalists are treated to a winter wonderland on the castle grounds, complete with fake falling snow. It looked more like your high school’s attempt at a winter dance, but hey, this is the same show that’s trying to pass off a commoner as Prince Harry, so what did I expect?2014-06-16 16_20_36-Greenshot

After some one on one time with the ladies (who surprisingly are the two least cattiest women in the history of reality dating competitions), Matt must make his final decision. After much hemming and hawing and assistance from the ever loyal Kingsley, Matt makes up his mind.

Now, without further ado, it is time to announce the winner of I Wanna Marry Harry.

Drum roll please.

Da dum da dum da dum.

Seriously trying to give all you people who don’t want to be spoiled a chance to close out your window right now.

Da dum da dum da dum.

KIMBERLY.

Bravo, Matt! Katrina was emotional about Matt’s rejection, and I just wanted to say, “My dear, it’s you who’s won! You! He’s not Prince Harry! Open your eyes, dear girl!” (It was like I was Lady Grantham and she was Lady Edith, ya feel?)

Kimberly is overwhelmed by Matt’s choosing her, but wait! He must still reveal the truth about his identity. Taking many awkward swallows, as is his tendency, Matt finally tells Kimberly that is in fact not Prince Harry but the imposter, Matt Hicks. When asked if she cares, Kimberly shrugs it off and accepts Matt for who is.

Wait. What? Kimberly, there is a spot in heaven for you. You are seriously the nicest person to ever sign up for a reality tv show.

The two kiss as a sea of fireworks sparkle into the sky around them.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. There's More

Kingsley stops the two’s embrace to reveal that because Kimberly has accepted Matt for who he really is, the two are to be awarded with $250,000.

SHUT UP. Hec I would have signed up for this show and pretended to think this guy was Prince Harry, too, if I’da know that was gonna happen at the end.

The lovebirds are drawn away from their winter wonderland in a horse and carriage as Mickey Mouse comes out to sing “When You Wish Upon Star” and the credits roll.

Okay, that last part didn’t happen, but the horse and carriage did. So I guess this makes Matt Cinderella? Right?

Still, the show is not ended yet. The next day, the two leave their stately estate and are presented with a double bicycle. I wish I could say I rolled my eyes, but guys, it was SO ADORABLE. Matt and Kim double cyced right outta their castle home and into the sunset of tomorrowland. 2014-06-16 16_42_22-Greenshot

Sure, the show was ridiculous, but hot damn that was a good ending.

“I Wanna Marry Harry” Cancelled!

Oh, bollocks. It would seem, dear persons, that, in fact, no one wants to marry Harry.

Was it the dyed ginger hair? The lack of a gap between the frontal incisors? The not glinty-enough eyes? What could have possibly deterred viewers from a show that highlighted the barely-there intelligence of the average American woman and transformed a no-name Brit into one of the most famous royals of our day?

I'd like to have seen the look on Meghan's face when she heard the news.

I’d like to have seen the look on Meghan’s face when she heard the news.

Enough with the questions. Let’s get down to business. This show was cancelled because apparently none of the producers has ever watched a single episode of The Bachelor and has no idea how to construct an even semi-working dating show. Let’s be real—what was missing here was roses and Chris Harrison.

I, for one, am very glad about this cancellation. Two recaps were enough, but I couldn’t imagine doing ten more. The brain cells–dying, they were. I may, though, take it upon myself to watch the finale. Fox has been kind enough to set the episodes free for us on Fox.com and Hulu. I didn’t invest two hours of my time into this show not to find out how the final girl reacts! I’ll try to get back to you with the final result as quickly as I can. Even if it means forcing myself not to fall asleep halfway through the episode and replaying scenes so I can get the quotes down to the exact detail, I shall prevail!

Cheerio, mates. The world is better off. I hear reruns of The Mindy Project will play in its place. Divine providence has indeed interceded.

I Wanna Marry Harry: Ep. 2 Recap

Here it is, folks! My recap of Episode 2 of I Wanna Marry Harry. May you learn here what you were dying to know.

I Wanna Marry Harry: Ep. 1 Recap

I said I’d watch this show, and I have. How long I can stick with it and its nonsense, only time will tell. I’ve recapped the first episode in the slideshow below. Still working out the kinks–this thumbnail spread of photos is overwhelming! But click the first image and a carousel slideshow will open. Then just click on through. Enjoy!

 

Fox’s “I Wanna Marry Harry” Dating Show

Can we all talk about how ridiculous this is and how I’m definitely going to be watching it?

12 women are told they’re on a reality dating show vying for the affection of…Prince Harry. The twist? (Because Fox has to have a twist, or it really wouldn’t be Fox-like) The man is a Prince Harry impersonator. And these women seem to believe he’s the real deal!

May God have mercy on their troubled souls.

A Southern Charm Baby!

Kat and T-Rav in their empty-nest days.

Kat and T-Rav in their empty-nest days.

REALITY TV JUNKIES, ARE YOU AWARE?

T-RAV AND KATHRYN HAD A BABY!

After a highly dramatic episode of the Bravo show Southern Charm in which Kathryn Dennis (21) discovered she was not pregnant with Thomas Ravenel’s (50) child, it seemed babies were not a desired surprise for the May-December pair . But it turns out the pregnancy “scare” wasn’t so much of a scare as it was as a sign to the Southern couple that they actually wanted a baby together. So they moved to Florida, joined forces, and now nine months later, voila! Kensington Calhoun Ravenel has entered the world.

Of course the little dear’s middle name is after an ancestor who died over 150 years ago. Gotta keep traditions alive in the South! I have to say I’m digging that first name, though.

Who wouldn't want to be named after this stud? I'm sure his great great great great great great great great grandbaby is going to make him very proud.

Who wouldn’t want to be named after this stud? I’m sure his great great great great great great great great grandbaby is going to make him very proud.

My main question here is HOW did this not come up when T-Rav was on Watch What Happens Live just a week ago? Did Andy Cohen know? Did he refrain from asking the question for Thomas’ sake? It seems very un-Andy-like, especially considering all the awkward questions he typically loves to ask. (Perhaps a relative of Shep’s was holding a threatening shotgun nearby? Who knows. Mysteries…)

So now you know. Kathryn and T-Rav of Southern Charm officially have their own little reality TV-blessed babe, and I’m mainly wondering right now if she’ll be on Season 2. (These are serious considerations, friends.)

For more info on the tiny tot, click here.